Jack
by Telepathapprentice
Summary: Just a simple funny story involving Jack Harkness and his time-traveling watch...with some other stuff thrown in.
1. Pirates of the Carribean

**Don't own Doctor Who, Torchwood, or anything besides the plot. Everything down to the last stone in the street belongs to their true owners. **

Captain Jack Harkness lay on the floor, a pounding headache echoing through his head and his whole body just…limp. Groggily, he opened his eyes to see a darkly lit bar, with noises and lights screaming around him. Feeling awful, he lay back against the floor for a while before rising to a sitting position.

"Different bar…"he mumbled. The usual one didn't have wood floors and such…weird customers. "Must have some pirate theme or something." Finding a bottle in his hand, he drank from it and felt some of the pain recede into the already misty edges of his brain. As he sat, feeling the wood grain under his fingers and trying to work up the strength to stand, he watched as the other patrons passed by him, and when he waved flirtatiously to a group of dancing girls, they simply smiled and giggled back, as if they already knew him.

As morning came, the huge crowd thinned, and eventually the bar was left empty. "Jack?" the bartender called. "I'm closin' up for the mornin'. Got anywhere to go?"

"Haw… how do you know my name-"

"Oh, I'm a softie, Jack." The bartender continued, obviously not hearing Jack's mumblings. "Anything for a regular. Now look'ee here, captain, I'll help you outside, and you can rest there 'fore going back to 'our ship. C'mon, now.."

Jack stood, albeit uneasily, and was surprised by the unfamiliar feel of long dreads and beads hanging down around his face. "Wha-"

"'Ere we go now. Goo' day, there, Captain Jack." The bartender waved and walked down the cobbled street, whistling off-key. And there was another thing! London didn't have cobbled streets! Again sitting, this time on the outside of the disreputable establishment, he glanced down to his watch to see it stone-dead. Tapping it drunkenly, he heard no sound and cursed silently. Then, taking a strand of his now long hair, he examined it carefully. When did I get dreads? He wondered. Is this what I get for passing out on a barroom floor?

As he stared at his hair and tried to puzzle this whole thing out, a young man came up and knelt beside him. "Jack?"

"And who are you?" Jack asked indignantly.

"Will. Will Turner."

"Ah-I don't know any Will Turner."

"'Course you do. That's me. Here, we better get you back to the ship. We've got somewhere to go."

"But…what's my name?"

"The drink better wear off before we set off, Jack. You're our captian."

"Yes…?"

"The most feared pirate to sail the English seas. Captain Jack Sparrow." Will announced triumphantly as he led a very confused and utterly hopeless (and still very drunk) Jack through the noisy streets.


	2. Danny Phantom

**Don't own Doctor Who, or Torchwood, or Danny Phantom, or anything else you think I own. Besides the plot. Enjoy!**

Jack was blinded by the light and heat flaring around him, his eyes squeezed shut against the flare. Gwen and Owens' voices filtered through to him, but the overall power of the reactor core drowned them out.

"Gwen? Toshiko? Anybody? I'm sure…I'll get through this…bloody mess…just-

wait!" He carefully opened his eyes as the light around him faded, and he saw himself surrounded by gleaming silver walls and sophisticated, if messy, equipment. "This…isn't Torchwood. In fact, this isn't even-"

"Jack! You made it!"

"Wait-"He was cut off by a smothering hug from a strange woman in a blue jumpsuit.

"I was afraid it had overpowered you, or something! I'm so glad that it's gone…now."

"What was it? And how do you know my name?"

"Oh, Jack, you're such a teaser. It was that unstable fire-ghost, remember? Anyway, that dreadful thing is gone, and we both pulled through. Now, let's go find Danny and Jazz."

"Who are Danny and Jazz? And where am I?"

"Mmmm, must have been some amnesia as part of the explosion. Well, you," she smiled and stuck a finger directly in the middle of his chest. "You are Jack Fenton, head researcher of FentonWorks, and I am your wife, Madeline Fenton. Our two children are Danny and Jazz, and now," she glanced at her watch "would be a good time to see how they are."

"Wait, wait, I'm not supposed to be here, I need to get back to Cardiff-"

"Oh, forget it, Jack. Come on!" Smiling, she dashed up the stairs and gestured behind her back for him to follow. Jack looked around and shrugged. At least he was in a lab. He could handle labs. And mad women. He'd known mad women. Walking to the stairs, he looked down to find himself in a orange jumpsuit and groaned. Now _this_ was too far.


End file.
